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Communicate vs. Silence

Updated: Aug 14, 2021

When you are married, communicating should be easy, right? Not always. For some couples communicating effectively is a struggle. One person may be outgoing and able to express themselves easily. On the other hand, the other partner can be introverted and would rather not face anything remotely close to a confrontation. So, what do you do when you have two people with two different forms of communication, and a problem occurs?

The first thing I would want to do is determine the root of the problem and seek the best route to fix it. If my spouse is on the same page, I hope we can sit down and hash things out immediately. Unfortunately, things do not work out this easily. That's when I believe couples should call on someone for help. For example, a marriage counselor or a minister. Many churches have marriage ministries and are proven to help couples resolve their issues and help them connect with one another on a more spiritual level. Even with all of the resources available to help couples become better communicators, some believe that what goes on in their marriage is just between them and nobody else's business.

If counseling is not an option for you, perhaps talking with your parents, close friends, or a couple you look up to and respect. After all, what harm can it be to speak to your parents or best friends? Right. Wrong, talking to anyone or talking can be the problem. So now what...

Many couples choose not to communicate at all and become silent. I refer to it as the "silent treatment." This is when there is an obvious elephant in the room, but no one wants to admit it. Although easy to do, silent treatment can be dangerous. Living in silence can leave you feeling lonely, insecure, insignificant, and afraid to express yourself, or eventually believing that all is well. Then again, silence is also a way of communicating. I recall being told to "Talk Less," and I was so upset by that statement. It made me feel like what I had to say didn't matter. In reality, the other person just did not need me to say anything else. My message had been received loud and clear.

When you have issues on top of problems that are never resolved, you will find yourself right back to square one every time another one arises. The inability to communicate can be damning to any relationship. In a marriage, it can lead to neglect and perhaps even infidelity. Yes, egos can become bruised, and feelings hurt all because you could not communicate. Is it worth it? Losing everything you have worked for to build and ultimately enjoy in your years together. I mean, come on, how hard could it be to talk to the person you love? Why silence one another? No matter how hard it is, find a way to say what needs to be told and move on. Believe me, doing so will make your lives together so much easier. Ultimately, in this versus, I choose to Communicate than be Silent.

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